I’m tired of double standards.
I’m tired that I’m encouraged to feel ashamed and embarrassed, dirty and upset, like I’ve betrayed something sacred when I blackout hook up and you are encouraged to explore yourself through sex.
I’m tired that you pushed me to take a chance on you despite timing and now I’m asking you to do the same thing after almost three years together and you and others act like I’m crazy.
I’m tired that me finding myself deserves hours of explanation and you finding yourself means cutting me off and cutting me out. That I am expected to be kind to you through it all, but that asking for the basic human decency from you is too damn needy.
And you.
I’m upset that you get to dictate the time and place so strongly. I miss you damn it and maybe I made a mistake and maybe I wish I hadn’t and I want to picture us again because you did make me happy and I’m not trying to be manipulative, I’m trying to figuratively find a place to curl up into. I’m appalled at you calling me manipulative when you played a major role in upending my whole life.
Damn it all to fuck and let me go teach. I’m tired of this small and oppressive campus. I’m tired of the emotions and not being able to escape into anything at all.
A Lot Good 