Denial

Denial The first stage of grief And women’s only stage. I. Body I refused to feed myself. Denial was better I said Looking in the fridge Time and again. I refused to listen To the aches To the pains To the screams Of my muscles And my heart. Deny the pain. Because no […]

Like A Champ

These past few weeks, I guess months, have been a shitshow and a half, and I would like some credit for handling everything like a champ. There was a time when I wouldn’t be eating right now. There was a time when I would have been eating, but would have felt such severe anxiety I […]

Tired AF

I’m tired of double standards. I’m tired that I’m encouraged to feel ashamed and embarrassed, dirty and upset, like I’ve betrayed something sacred when I blackout hook up and you are encouraged to explore yourself through sex. I’m tired that you pushed me to take a chance on you despite timing and now I’m asking […]

Politically Correct, Socially Inept

I remember fourth grade. It was the 2004 Presidential Election and I was delighted with the political cartoons depicting W. as a monkey. My childish mind reveled in the white and black of Presidential elections and I would gladly engage with my peers regarding politics, parroting what our parents had said to TV screens, or […]

DAY 1/365: Outside the Window

The dogs barked in the cold dripping weather. They wanted to be let in, but no one was answering this door. Todd Peterson sat wrapped in blankets four eternally long feet from his front door. He hadn’t moved since Monday. It was Thursday. Of the next week. There was an unpleasant, his mother would have […]

Please Don’t Upend

I am scared. I’m scared this one night that I don’t remember, was not present for, is going to affect the rest of my life. It will. Because I learned the lessons that came from that mistake, that rock bottom. I cannot let myself imbibe during stressful times in my life. I need to listen […]

Bigger Than This

I went to confession today for the first time in years and I realized how much I missed the grace of God. It is always around you, I know that, but there is something about each sacrament that makes you feel even more shrouded in love. And being that close to the deep and true […]

And She Was Houdini

My whole life has been an exercise in escapism. When I was a child, I would read, stack books next to myself like a fortress of fiction that would keep out the big emotions of reality. Or even more frightening, the lack of any emotions. When I was older, I would come up with my […]

Don’t Let The Last Crisis Take Away Our Plans

Buying an apartment Shopping for books Planning vacations Watching TV Listening to country in the Camry Kissing before bed Kissing when we wake up Buying baby clothes Crying about work stress Celebrating promotions Celebrating anything Holding hands on walks Grocery shopping Meal prep Casual beers Casual wines Surprise notes in your backpack Corgis Klaus the […]

Dear God

I miss you. My whole life has been wrapped up on this tiny campus, and I feel like I’m taking a hiatus from the truth of me, and the Truth of you. I want to dedicate my life to you in ways that I can’t right now. I want to speak with you more regularly, […]